


Decision

by Judy_The_Dreamer



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26250634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Judy_The_Dreamer/pseuds/Judy_The_Dreamer
Summary: Love can break your heart, but ultimately the decision is Dorian's.
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	Decision

**Author's Note:**

> This fic helped me break out of my writing rut, so needless to say it's an angstfest.  
> It's my first shot at Cullrian too. Hope I did them justice.

‘I won’t be here when you next come South.’ Cullen’s voice is solemn in the enclosed space of their shared bedroom. It cuts right through Dorian’s afterglow, and he turns to face his lover in a move that causes his entire spine to crack.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ The question is sharp, pointed like the blade that rests beside their bed. Sentiment has no place in Tevinter, but Dorian has never been able to completely put his aside, and the South is full of bleeding hearts.

It’s too dark to read Cullen’s expression, but Dorian imagines the sad, downturned tilt of his scarred mouth nonetheless. ‘I’ve petitioned the Divine for retirement. This time next year, I will be the Inquisition’s commander no more. I’m going home.’

‘To Honnleath?’ Dorian asks faintly. His heart clenches at the thought of arriving at Halamshiral without finding the commander there to welcome him. No one to whisper his secrets and worries to in the deep of night. No one to hold his as he unchains that stubborn heart of his.

Honnleath is so far removed to the splendour of the palace; a Fereldan farming town if he ever saw one. A Magister who frequents a foreign palace might be labelled as overly ambitious, but one who goes out of his way to visit a lover in the countryside? That Magister is weak, ripe for the slaying.

‘To Honnleath,’ Cullen echoes. His hand reaches out and cradles the side of Dorian’s face in an attempt to reassure him. ‘You’ll be able to find me there if you want.’

He makes the offer like he doesn’t realize that being beside him is the only thing Dorian truly wants on most days, like departing for Tevinter without his lover by his side doesn’t tear him to pieces. They should be together, mage and templar, but Cullen seems determined to put a stop to that dream.

Or maybe it’s Dorian himself that had destroyed that dream ages ago, when he’d picked up his father’s mantle? The years they’d spend together in the halls of Skyhold had faded into memory as they drifted further apart. He could scarcely remember the snow-caped mountains that had formed the backdrop to that perfect first kiss.

Wetness spilled from the corners of his eyes, caressing Cullen’s skin on the way down. Tenderly, his thumb wipes it away.

‘I could never forget you, Dorian,’ Cullen confesses as he leans close enough to catch the next one with his lips. The words are not unexpected – the idea of marriage has been permeating every silent moment between them since Corypheus’ defeat, but Dorian’s breath still stutters like the Maker had just emerged from the Fade. He knows and dreads what comes next.

‘But if doing so makes it easier for you, then you have my full permission to forget me.’ Cullen swallows as his voice breaks. Dorian wonders if he’s crying too. ‘Before you go, understand this: I do not want to be separated from you, but I cannot leave Ferelden. Not when I have so many people looking to me for guidance, and so much good for my brothers left to do.’ His lips touch Dorian’s fleetingly, his lips taste of salt. ‘And although I don’t think the empire will ever deserve you, Tevinter needs _you_ as well. I cannot in good conscience take you away from them.’

 _I cannot make that decision for you_ , goes unsaid.

The truth hits like a hammer, slowly caving in Dorian’s chest. The empire does need people like him to not crumble underneath the burden of the past. People that grow more numerous every day, taking the Lucerni ideas to new heights. People that are strong enough to carry on the legacy if he were to leave…

He cannot get any air, scared that his laboured breath might cause the last spark of hope he has left to extinguish.

‘Ask me,’ he begs, unashamed of the act for the first time in his life. ‘Just ask. I know you want to.’

There’s a long moment of silence in which their hearts beat perfectly in synch.

‘Would you stay with me instead, Dorian Pavus?’

And although it feels like he’s being slowly ripped apart, Dorian knows his answer.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are life. <3
> 
> [Unless it's from you, pornbots roaming the toplisted fics.]
> 
> *scurries back to her Marvel WIPs*


End file.
